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  I took another sip of my caramel macchiato, and my eyes locked on the sign that read “Los Angeles: 126 miles.” After all these years, I was finally going back. It was the place of my childhood, the place that held a thousand memories, and my heart picked up speed just thinking about it. But that seemed to be my normal these days. I walked through life with that tight ball of panic settled between my heart and throat waiting for the next thing to happen.

  I couldn’t quite figure out how I found myself in this position. My life, usually so predictable, had turned into a blur. A blur that was more like Lifetime television than of my own reality. It just wasn’t like me to storm into the office and give my resignation without notice. I was the responsible type. The one who was never late, the one who didn’t break promises and always paid her bills on time. I didn’t cheat, always sent thank-you cards, and had never smoked a day in my life. I was the good girl, the one you’d bring home to your mother. The type who saved her virginity until the age of twenty-three—for the man who never wanted it in the first place.

  It wasn’t that I never had the opportunity. I had many boyfriends, and lord knows they all tried. I just always wanted something more. Something special. There was always that one man I held everyone else up against. Jake.

  When Kevin came along, I thought things had finally changed, that I’d finally gotten over the boy I’d loved my whole life. It was six months after my move to San Diego; I’d been assigned to cover a local food drive, and Kevin was the brand-new reporter in the office. He was the type who could sweet talk his way into any situation, and it only took two weeks to talk his way into my pants. I didn’t even tell him I was a virgin until months later... I’m not even sure why, maybe to save myself from having to explain the reason.

  Three months after our first date, Kevin and I moved in together. I thought he was my forever, that he was the one. But now, two and a half years later, I realized I couldn’t have been more wrong. I trusted the wrong person. Which unfortunately, seemed to be a pattern in my life. But as the miles ticked by, I was filled with both fear and longing for what awaited me. Jake. My Jake. The Jake I hadn’t seen once in three years. What would it be to like to live with him again?

  I moved in with them right before I turned twenty-three. I’d wanted to get my own apartment, but Dave asked me to move in with him and Jake instead. I think it was his brotherly way of keeping me under lock and key. But with the stress of tuition, classes, and work, I couldn’t have afforded my own place anyway. Looking back, I’m sure Dave knew that too.

  He and Jake were a year into the launch of JM construction, and we were all constantly broke. They’d been making plans about the business since they were ten, when they’d taken all Dad’s lumber from the garage and built that tree house in the backyard. Dad had been annoyed at first; he’d purchased the wood to build Mom those garden boxes she’d been wanting. But when he saw what a good job they did, his expression quickly changed to one of pride.

  Jake wasn’t as lucky though. He’d been on the fast track to becoming a lawyer like his father. Actually made it all the way through school before he came to the realization he hated it. When he presented his plans to his parents, they were pissed. Said he was wasting his life and education. But building things was where Jake came alive, and even though it meant his parents cutting him off, he took all he had, and dumped it into the company

  We lived in a junky old three-bedroom house in Northridge, California, and it was never a surprise to come home and find Jake working out in the garage, or even asleep shirtless on our couch. I loved it. Even with the lack of money, that house held some of the best memories of my whole life…

  Three years earlier

  With my feet tucked under me on my bed, I chewed on my pencil and read the same sentence for what felt like the hundredth time. Finals week. I’d been surviving on coffee for the past three days. But it was worth it. In a few weeks I’d finally graduate, and join my peers with the BA I was supposed to have two years ago.

  A knock pulled my attention, and I glanced up to see Jake open the door. He wore his faded gray sweatpants with the hole in one knee and a white tank top that left his perfectly sculpted arms bare.

  “Why are you always hiding in here, Kit Kat?” He walked into my room, lay on my bed, and took a bite of apple like he owned the place.

  “Why do you think?” I waved my hand over the textbooks that littered the mattress and tried to ignore the butterflies beating away inside me. But he smelled so good, like soap, clean skin, and testosterone. Or what I imagined testosterone would smell like anyway. It was impossible.

  He made a face, then turned to his side, and propped himself on one elbow. “What are your plans tonight?”

  I cleared my throat. “I’m going out with Phillip.”

  He cringed. “You’re still seeing that guy? He’s such a douche.” His teeth sunk into his apple and his lips curved in a smile.

  I inwardly groaned. I loved his mouth. Those lips I was sure tasted like a Fuji apple right about now. I sat back on my heels and cursed my lustful thoughts. “He’s sweet. And besides, you shouldn’t talk.”

  He flipped to his stomach, his eyes twinkling. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  I glanced up and had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. “Like Candace is such a prize.” She was Jake’s flavor of the month. I couldn’t even say I was jealous. She would be gone soon, just like all the rest of them.

  He grinned. “What’s wrong with Candy?”

  Now I did roll my eyes. “She laughs like a hyena.” My tone daring him to deny it.

  “Yeah, well… At least she doesn’t cry as much as Phillip.”

  I wanted to laugh, but instead I threw a pillow at his head. “Shut up, he’s sensitive.”

  “So feisty.” He narrowed his eyes.

  I bit my inner cheek, trying to hide my grin. “Why are you always barging in here bothering me, anyway?”

  “I didn’t barge, I knocked.”

  “That wasn’t a knock, that was a tap—and besides, you’re supposed to wait for an answer.”

  “Why does it bother you so much, Katie? Are you hiding someone in here?” A quick smile turned his lips, and he rolled over to check under the bed.

  “Yeah, like I could sneak anyone past Tweedledee and Tweedledumb.”

  His smile grew wider, and he tossed the rest of his apple in the trash. “Which one am I?”

  “Definitely Tweedledumb.” I matched his smile and raised my brows.

  “Oh Kit Kat, that’s the wrong answer.” He rose to his knees, a mischievous look crossing his beautiful face.

  My heartbeat quickened as I recognized the game we were about to play. Without hesitation, I bolted from the bed, ran to the living room, and leapt over the couch in two seconds flat.

  He stalked into the room, his long legs and an easy grin turning my insides to butter.

  “You think that couch will protect you?”

  I began to giggle. “Fine, you can be Tweedledee!”

  “Too late, Katie, you’ll have to pay the fine.”

  And I knew what the fine was; he’d tickle me until I couldn’t breathe.

  “Jake.” I used my sternest voice to warn him off, but he wasn’t swayed.

  He ran to one edge of the couch, and I ran to the other. I looked into his eyes, barely able to contain my laughter, and knew without a doubt I was trapped. In a pathetic effort to get away, I grabbed one of the pillows and threw it his chest. He caught it in mid-air and arched one brow. I narrowed my eyes, picked up another pillow, and soon we were whacking each other in the middle of the living room. I laughed so hard my eyes watered, and he didn’t hesitate before taking advantage of my weakness. Grabbing the pillow from my hands he tackled me to the floor.

  “No, Jake!” I screamed, falling back to the brown shag carpet.

  He straddled my hips while his fingers ascended to my ribcage. “Oh Kit Kat, I just can’t help myself.”

  “Please.” I laug
hed. “Stop! I’ll do anything.”

  His hands stilled, and my breath instantly caught. “Go to the game with me and Dave tonight.”

  He wasn’t laughing, and the seriousness in his expression made me still. That familiar tingle was low in my belly, and I became hyper aware of his position on top of me. “I can’t Jake, I already have plans.”

  “Tell him you have to study.” His expression confused me. It was too serious. What happened to the playful Jake I felt safe with? And why was he looking at me like that? Like he wanted to devour me like that apple in my bedroom.

  “Okay,” I replied between breathless pants, but this time it was no longer from laughter.

  “Good.” He pushed himself off the ground and pulled me to stand.

  “You’re such a jerk.” I looked to the floor, knowing my arousal was plastered all over my face.

  “I know.” He reached up to tuck a strand of wild hair behind my ear, and my heart beat so fast I was sure he could see it beating inside me. “We leave at five.”

  “Fine—but now I have to study.” I brushed past him to my room, needing distance to catch my breath.

  “Katie?”

  “Yes, Jake?” I feigned annoyance.

  “Let him down easy.”

  Phillip and I broke up a couple weeks later. I told everyone it was because we grew apart, but I knew the truth. I pushed him away hoping beyond hope that one day, something would happen between Jake and me.

  Things were always like that with us. Playful, comfortable, but at the same time, there was that part of our relationship I had no control over. A part so deep inside me I couldn’t quite reach the off switch. The part that wanted him to love me as much as I loved him.

  It had only been an hour since leaving San Diego, but my bladder felt like it was a balloon ready to pop—the Venti caramel macchiato had been a bad idea. With two hours still ahead of me, I pulled the beast of a truck into a gas station, did my business, and bought a banana to appease my grumbling stomach. But I could only muster a bite or two; I was too nervous for more than that.

  Back in the truck, the salty beach air rushed through the open window as I pulled onto the freeway. I was still too far from the water, but I’d know that scent anywhere. The beach. We’d spent every possible moment there back then. Actually, we spent every day together, period. Dave, Jake, and I—we were inseparable.

  Three Years Earlier

  “I’m starving,” I called over my shoulder as I rummaged through the empty cupboard.

  “Me too,” Dave said, standing at the open fridge. “Do we have any of that potato salad left?”

  I laughed. “That’s over a week old.”

  “So?” Jake asked from the doorway. “Where’s your sense of adventure?” He’d just gotten home from work, his arms were stretched up high up on the frame, and his sideways smile gleamed at me. I grinned. Things had been different between us for a couple of weeks. Little touches, flirtation I wasn’t used to, and for the first time in years, we were both single. I bit my lip and turned back to the empty shelves.

  “I seriously can’t believe we’re out of food again,” I muttered, trying to hide how much he affected me. But the truth was, we’d been living together for three months, and I’d grown used to empty cupboards.

  “It takes a lot of calories to maintain these muscles,” Dave replied, flexing his chest and biceps to annoy me.

  “You’re such a dork.” I laughed, pushing him aside to move my search to the fridge. I wasn’t sure if Dave suspected anything between Jake and I. He didn’t seem to notice, either that, or he didn’t want to know. I was his baby sister, and Jake was his best friend. That would be a hard pill to swallow for just about any man… but especially Dave.

  “What about this?” Jake asked, and I turned around to see him holding a bag of popcorn kernels.

  My eyes narrowed. “Where’d you find those?”

  He pointed to the very top of the pantry I wasn’t tall enough to see. “Up there.”

  “Did we even buy those?” I directed my question to Dave, who shrugged in reply.

  “I don’t know…” I shook my head. “I really don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  But he ignored my warning and began tossing the bag from hand to hand. “How do we cook these babies?”

  “Microwave?” Dave suggested, his expression along the lines of I-don’t-know-what-the-hell-I’m-talking-about.

  “Yes!” Jake shouted, then threw the bag in the microwave and shut the door.

  “You can’t do the whole bag.” I moved across the kitchen and pulled them back out. “If we’re going to do this thing,” I cocked my shoulders like Fonzie, “we need to find a paper bag or something. You know, like microwave popcorn?”

  “How about this?” Dave asked, holding out a large brown bag from the grocery store.

  I shrugged, then grabbed the bag from his hand and opened it up to put a couple tablespoons of kernels inside.

  “There’s no way that’s enough. I’m starving.” Jake picked up the bag and added what must’ve been a half a cup more.

  “How long should we put it in for?” He looked back at me over his shoulder.

  I lifted my shoulders. “Five minutes maybe?”

  “Works for me.” He put the folded-up grocery bag in the microwave, entered the time, and pressed start. When he turned around, his eyebrows were raised with mischief, and his fists rested low on his hips.

  “Why are you standing like that?” I questioned.

  “Like what?” he asked, his smile producing that adorable dimple.

  “Like Superman.” I grinned.

  His smile turned shy and he shook his head at me. “Whatever.”

  “You want to be him, don’t you?” I couldn’t help laughing a little.

  “Umm... Of course I do. Who doesn’t want to be Superman?”

  “Do we have any butter?” Dave asked, ignoring our little conversation and opening the fridge.

  “We did, but you guys probably ate that too.” I jumped up to sit on the counter.

  A couple minutes passed with no popping and I began to grow wary. “Why isn’t it popping yet?”

  “Patience, Kit Kat,” Jake replied, and wagged his eyebrows at me.

  As if on cue, the microwave started to make a few faint popping noises, and Jake looked at me with an I told you so smile.

  “Do you smell that?” Dave asked.

  “What?” I sniffed the air and my eyes instantly widened.

  “Shit!” Jake said, opening the microwave door.

  When he pulled out the bag it was smoking, and a small red hole revealed blackened kernels inside.

  “Well, I guess that didn’t work,” Dave murmured.

  Then the hole grew bigger, and before I knew what was happening, the bag ignited to flames in Jake’s hands.

  I panicked and began to wave my hands, and blow at the same time.

  “Stop waving your arms and get the damned fire extinguisher!” Dave yelled.

  “Where is it?” I screamed, frantically spinning in circles.

  “Fuck this.” Jake threw the burning mass into the sink. The smoke alarm screeching as the flames grew bigger and bigger.

  Jake and I began opening every cupboard searching for the extinguisher when Dave stepped toward the sink, flicked on the faucet, and extinguished the growing flames. “Idiots!”

  Jake and I turned to one another and burst into fits of laughter.

  “It’s not funny!” Dave yelled as he pulled the battery from the alarm. “We almost burned down the damned house!”

  Jake and I sobered as we watched Dave storm out of the kitchen.

  “He looks really mad,” I said, trying to suppress the laughter that bubbled in the back of my throat.

  “He just has a stick up his ass ’cause we burnt his dinner.”

  We both started laughing again, and I had to cross my legs because I was afraid I would pee my pants. “Oh I love you.”

  Jakes eyes twinkled and h
e looked at me sideways. “Well, that’s a first.”

  I sobered. “What?” But I knew what he was talking about. I hadn’t meant to say the words. They just slipped out.

  “No one has ever said that to me before.”

  That wasn’t the answer I was expecting. Sure, I’d never said the words before, but there was no way I was buying it. “Whatever.” I rolled my eyes. “Everyone loves you.”

  He shrugged. “It’s true.” Not seeming to care if I believed him or not.

  “Your parents?” I pointed out, as if to say duh.

  “Nope. They’re just not the type. I know they love me, they just don’t say it.”

  Wow. Hearing that made me a little sad. I always knew his parents were a couple of jerks, but to never say I love you to their own child? I suddenly understood so much about him. Understood why he always swore he’d never have a family of his own. Why he spent everyday at our house growing up.

  Even though I hadn’t meant to say the words the first time, in that moment, I was compelled to say them again. “Well, it’s true… I love you, Jake Johnson.” I smiled a big cheesy grin, trying to lighten the words I’d held inside for nine years.

  His eyes crinkled at the corners—but his stomach growled at the same time, breaking some of the seriousness that had settled over us. He patted it like it was its own life-form, then glanced at the burnt mass in the sink. “I’m gonna taste it.”

  “No, you’re not. It’s all burnt and disgusting.” I looked down at the puddle of soggy, blackened popcorn in the sink.

  He raised an eyebrow like I’d dared him, picked up a large chunk, and tossed it in his mouth.

  My eyes widened with shock and disgust as I watched him chew and swallow.

  “Not bad.” He shrugged, then smiled his crooked smile again.

  I shook my head at his willfulness but couldn’t help feeling amused. “Come on, I think I have some money stashed in my room. Let’s go see what we can get off the dollar menu.”